Are there more tops or bottoms in the gay community

Beyond who penetrates whom, top and bottom roles can also relate to power dynamics during sex. The terms tops and bottoms are commonly used in LGBTQ+ communities—most often among queer men, but also within other parts of the community.

Someone who is vers or versatile, for example, can enjoy either role depending on the situation or their partner. Many men choose not to engage in penetrative anal sex at all. These individuals often identify as sides. This dynamic has been criticised for replicating traditional, often patriarchal, heterosexual gender roles—the dominant male and the passive female.

For many, being a top or bottom is limited to the bedroom. It can be hard—if not impossible—to untangle all these threads.

What is a Side : It’s about desire, power, and the complicated ways we perform sexuality in a world that’s constantly trying to categorize us

But in some relationships, these dynamics extend beyond sex. In some same-sex relationships, for example, the top may also hold more power in the relationship—being the decision-maker, main breadwinner, or gift-giver. In a male same-sex relationship, for example, the top is typically the person who anally penetrates the other partner, known as the bottom.

For the record I am a top. While everyone is free to live as they choose, we also have the opportunity to question and break free from such patterns, embracing more equal, flexible roles. These terms are not always limited to describing sexual preferences, sexual activity or roles.

People choose or end up in these sexual roles for many reasons.

They reflect personal preferences, internal belief systems, and social and cultural influences. These sexual preferences and roles can be fluid and may change over time or with different partners. These terms are not always limited to describing sexual preferences, sexual activity or roles.

They can also be loaded with expectations, assumptions and social stereotypes. We put those assumptions to the test. They can also be loaded with expectations, assumptions and social stereotypes. Importantly, they must be consensual, with both partners agreeing to the experience and setting clear boundaries.

This preference is just as valid as any other and is increasingly recognised in the queer community as a complete and fulfilling form of sexual expression. Sides prefer sexual activity that does not involve anal penetration, for many valid and diverse reasons—including a lack of appeal or physical comfort.

For many of us, especially when we are young, these terms can be confusing and even scary. Identities around being a top or bottom are incredibly diverse and complex. When it comes to your partners, communication is key — be clear about what you want and what pleases you.

The bottom surplus or : This old stereotype often plays out like a bad sitcom script: tops are “the manly ones,” bottoms are “the feminine ones,” and anyone who dares to be versatile is accused of being indecisive

However, these roles can be subverted. In this context, the top usually plays the dominant role—controlling the action—while the bottom is the submissive partner who consents to being dominated, often physically. What matters most is taking the time to explore what works for you, free from societal pressure or judgement.

This can include elements of BDSM bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism, and masochism. Ask any gay guy, and he'll tell you there are multitudes of bottoms for every top in the world. Embrace your sexuality in all its diversity, and make choices that feel affirming, authentic, and right for you.

In my area rural va there are more tops than bottoms and most gays overall escaping to larger cities like DC, Richmond and Hampton Roads Area. Also remember that anal sex carries a higher risk of HIV and STIs, so get clued up on protecting yourself and your partners.